personal growth

Time

Tim Falls

01 Apr 2025 — 2 min read

Recently, I observed a peculiar tendency of mine. I was coordinating with someone about meeting up, and I said, “I’ll be there at 2-2:30.”

Soon after sending that text, I thought, “I’ll definitely not be there at two, and I will almost certainly be there at 2:30 or maybe even later.”

I got there at 2:35…

In reflection, I noticed that I do this often. When meeting others, I offer a possible arrival time that is obviously earlier than my probable arrival time.

Naturally, my next thought was, “Why do I do this?!”

Introspection led me to an explanation — a mental and behavioral pattern that goes back to childhood and has persisted most of my life.

Context

During elementary, middle, and high school, I earned a reputation for being perpetually late.

I was late for the bus. Routinely, I sprinted down our 1/4-mile-long driveway only to watch Miss Miller zoom by in the school bus — her trail of dust engulfing me as I reached the road.

I was late for school. When my parents or siblings took me, I regularly sprinted into school, praying I’d get to class before the bell. Fun fact: my sophomore year, I earned an "Unsatisfactory" conduct grade for too many tardies, disqualifying me from the “Academic Excellence Award.” That was the only year in grades 1-12 that I didn’t receive the award. 😏

I was late to practice. I was late to hang out with friends. I was dependably late.

The habit extended into adulthood…

In grad school, my friend Rob jokingly coined the saying,

“I’ll be there in Tim minutes”

Rob alway helped me in quant classes, so he'll appreciate me illustrating this as an equation:

(Tim’s_Arrival_Time) = (Time_Tim_Says_He’ll_Arrive) + (X Minutes)

*Where X = some unpredictable number, typically ranging from 10 to 100.

Now, in my forties, I’m a relatively punctual person. But I still set myself up for being late by promising to arrive earlier than I will - as illustrated in the opening story.

Insight

Perhaps my tendency to overpromise (offer an unrealistically early arrival time) is a subconscious attempt to make up for all those times I was late earlier in life. Perhaps this is also probably rooted in my people-pleasing habit.

Upon reflection, I recognize:

Anyone I inconvenienced or disappointed upon a time, by arriving to them late, has forgiven or forgotten. So, my intent to “make up for it” is unnecessary.
I have the option to let go of this. When planning, I can pause, determine a realistic time, add a few minutes to that, and underpromise. I can give myself spaciousness, hurry less, relieve undue stress, and maybe even get there early sometime.

If you ever plan a rendezvous with me in the future, feel free to ask, “Are you sure about that?” when I say, “I’ll see you at 2.”